


After the funeral

by Claire_cz



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Aftermath, Funeral, Gen, Sad, coming to terms, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire_cz/pseuds/Claire_cz
Summary: Aftermath of an agent's death. What happens and how will the agents react? [WARNING: major character death]
Kudos: 7





	After the funeral

**Author's Note:**

> The world of fanfiction is amazing as it allows us to write stories and scenes that certainly never happen/we don't want them to happen in TV. It was heart wrenching to write but I wanted to explore this area as there aren't many stories dealing with this topic.
> 
> My biggest thank you to Elizabeth for beta-reading.
> 
> [Set around season 6]

He had been always saying that he dies in the line of duty. He counted on it. Here it was. He knew that he couldn't cheat death for the second time. The bullets ripped his body apart. He knew it immediately: he was dying.

Sam was kneeling beside him. So that he did not lose the image of his partner, even for a millisecond, he kept his eyes focused on Callen.

Callen was looking straight into Sam's eyes. He was glad that the last thing he saw was Sam, the person he trusted the most. He managed to say: ''Sam... thank you.''

There was no panic in his voice. He calmly accepted the situation. He served his country as best as he could. He had done everything to find out about his past and had finally accepted that his family was the team. The power and will were quickly abandoning his body, he closed his eyes, his breathing was getting slower and slower...

''G! Callen! Don't die. Please, G!'' Sam was screaming and crying at the same time.  
He knew Callen had died. His partner of eight years, his brother. Sam was still desperately holding Callen's hand, but couldn't change anything.

Kensi and Deeks were standing next to their dying friend in absolute horror. Kensi was trembling so hard that Deeks had to hold her upright.

Hetty, Eric and Nell watched the screen in ops in total silence.

''He thanked me? He said ' _thank you_ ','' whispered Sam in confusion.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Hetty was always deeply affected when one of her agents died. Sullivan, Dom, Hunter, Renko... She wanted to quit and never come back. The only person who could persuade her – and always did – was Callen, his stubbornness, a stolen envelope, a few sentences … and she did always come back. Not this time. No-one could change her decision.

It was one of the rare times when Hetty was absolutely lost. She was sometimes talking about retirement, visiting islands, reading books, eating good food. But she could never actually imagine herself doing these simple things. Maybe she too believed that she was destined to die in the line of duty.

Kensi and Deeks had each other and their „thing". Hetty was certain that her younger agents would go through a hard time, but would be able to continue working.

Eric and Nell were geeks, little awkward when it comes to emotions, yet sensitive. Hetty didn't doubt Nell for a moment. She was fragile at first glance, but strong and brave inside. She resembled Hetty's younger self so much... Eric would get through it with Nell's help.

''I requested you, especially you, Mr Getz. Though I will understand if you reject me to do consultations and psychological evaluation..''   
''I won't reject you, Hetty. It will be a therapy for me too.''

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The work had to go on. So many of his aliases had to be deleted, dissolved and forgotten.

They decided to bury him next to his sister at the river's bank. Hetty briefly contemplated to put the name Jason Tedrow on the tombstone. He liked being Jason Tedrow. In the end she abandoned this idea. There will be no name on the tombstone. He was a very private person and never sought the attention of others, most of the time it was even unwanted. It will remain that way. Only a few people knew his true identity and they will always remember his name. Only a few friends will visit him, exactly as it was when he lived.

Hetty, Sam and Michelle, Kensi, Deeks, Nell, Eric, Granger, Nate, Rose, Director Vance, Arkady, Gibbs, Trent Kort and Paris Summerskill attended the funeral. But somewhere in jail Tracy Keller was mourning her husband. Kristen Donelli was mourning Jason Tedrow. The Arab guy in Turkey was mourning Yurik. Shakira was mourning the gentle arms smuggler Liam...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Sam was thinking. He had been there once already. Looking at the vacant chair next to him, touching the green doll (which wasn't a doll). He had been training Dom for a few months, he liked him. He went through his death, he continued on...

Even though it was painful, Sam was honest with himself. You can't compare Dom to a partnership of eight years with a person that was closer to you than a brother. He wouldn't be able to look at Callen's vacant chair or at anyone who would replace him.

This time Sam wasn't tortured, kidnapped or injured. But he knew that the breaking point Nate was talking about after the Sidorov case was very close. He had to go away, at least for a while. He may come back but at the same time he understood that Hetty never would return.

He would teach the greens at the academy how to be good agents. He would teach them everything he knew. And when he would be prepared and sure that he wouldn't cry while remembering he would tell them about the most gifted agent he had ever met.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

''Leon, please. Don't say anything.'' Hetty handed him an envelope. Vance didn't have to open it to know that Hetty gave him her resignation letter. This time he didn't try to stop her, to refuse the resignation. Callen was like a son to her, she cared too deeply for him to be able to recover from the loss.

Although she was so devastated she still brought herself to a decision. Vance didn't expect that Hetty would add anything more, but she announced: ''If I return, Leon, exactly in six months... you will allow me to carry out operation Sand-Matar. Without back-up, Leon.'' Her gaze didn't even flinch. Vance's face was a mask.

He only slightly nodded. He knew that he owed Henrietta many favors. But still he wished she wouldn't return. Members of Sand-Matar family gang were dangerous, all agencies wanted them at least arrested, but none of them had the courage to proceed. And yet Hetty would volunteer for a suicidal mission if she couldn't find her peace of mind in the next six months. She was even closer to Callen than Vance thought.

She sold most of her houses, ordered her stuff once more and sailed off. Alone on the big boat. She didn't know where she's heading or if she would get anywhere.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

At home Sam tried to occupy himself with something, anything. He went to bed only when he was so tired that he knew he would fall asleep immediately. Otherwise the images, the memories, the thoughts would whirl around his head and inevitably he would ask himself _Why?_ again and again.

They were special agents, law enforcement; they risked their lives everyday to save the innocent, to protect the country...

But this rationalizing didn't help, because then - also inevitably - came another question _Why him?_ And Sam didn't have any answer to this question. G didn't deserve to die.

When Sam asked himself these questions he fell asleep only after his whole mind and body were exhausted from silent cries and tears he shed for his partner.

Sam thought that Nate might see something else behind his decision to leave the Office of Special Projects. ''Nate, I'm suddenly not scared of gunshots or obsessively worried about my own life. Not more than a normal sane person is. … G would... he would like me to continue, the stubborn head, he protected this country his whole life. … I just need to go away. I can't stay here right now.''

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

During the time that Sam dealt with the deaths of Mo and Dom he boxed a lot. Now he felt that even the hardest punch wouldn't help him: wouldn't cease his pain. He didn't have the energy to fight.

He was at home, with his family. His mind was disconnected; he was still with his partner. Callen was an undercover ghost but simultaneously a huge presence in Sam's life. He was his daughter's favorite Uncle Callen. The memories were everywhere.

Michelle was very understanding. She loved her husband and desperately wanted to help him, ease his pain. She was an agent herself, so she knew this tragic side of their job. She lost a few colleagues too - but that was it, they were _colleagues, co-workers_. She never had to mourn the loss of a _partner_ who was so close to her as was G Callen to Sam.

Michelle was grateful that Sam had found such a good partner who always had his back. She liked Callen so much. Her husband told her about Callen's unhappy childhood experiences, about too many foster homes, about the death of his sister.

When Callen was recovering from the shooting a few years ago he stayed with them. He wasn't a sharing person, he didn't like to display emotions, he didn't allow anyone to see into him easily. But she didn't urge him to change, to pull down the walls he had built around himself.

Michelle only wanted to show the lonely man that there were loving families in this world, that love and trust did exist. She wanted him to feel loved and safe and she succeeded. He intended to stay only for a week, but he felt so comfortable at their house that they were able to persuade him to stay for nearly a month. He became their daughter Kam's favorite Uncle Callen. Michelle was pleased that Callen had found in Sam the anchor, someone who he could always rely on and she was also glad that she could play a role in it, however small.

When G Callen was dying he wasn't alone. Somewhere deep in his soul behind all the barriers he _had_ to know that he was loved. This thought comforted Michelle a great deal.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Vance was standing on the stairs and watching the bullpen. In one week he lost not only G. Callen, who was the best undercover agent he had known, but also Henrietta, the trusted ops manager, and Sam Hanna, another brilliant agent.

He was the director, he had power, he gave firm orders, but he felt that in this situation he was powerless. In the best interest of the agency would be to try to hold the team together. They've been together for so long, working like a fine machine... yet he couldn't fulfill this task. He knew that they all needed time and space. He just had to make sure that the agency would still be able to continue to solve cases. Criminals wouldn't wait.

Owen Granger was named temporary manager of OSP. There were times when he wanted to gain this job, this title and authority. Though technically, his position of assistant director was higher than Hetty's, there was something magical about the Office of Special projects and the almost unlimited power of its director. He even played not entirely clean games but he never wanted to get the position under these circumstences. He was a human-being after all...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Callen's body may be buried, his soul may be somewhere reunited with his family, but he'll always live in the memories of his friends.

Sam will always honor the memory of an agent who spoke more languages than anyone else he had ever known. An agent who could become a ghost whenever he wanted. An agent who could immediately become anyone he wanted. An agent who didn't need a wig, false teeth or a false moustache to become someone else. He '' _only_ '' changed his whole personality. An agent whose mother was a CIA operative and his father a KGB officer. A man who had undercover work in his blood.

Sam will teach future agents about the legendary agent without a first name, who was his best friend.


End file.
